February 27, 2006
Not much been going on around my way lately. Mother Nature has decided it is Winter all of a sudden, so temps that were in the 40's an 50's are now in the single digits. A major snow storm currently in California is projected to give us some grief in the form of several inches of now around Thursday, but as of right now it is only a projection and hence may very well change and I get nothing at all. Work has been fine, if a little boring.
Tess and I have actually spoken since the Valentine's Day entry. About nothing of importance, just the regular formalities of 'hi' and 'how are you' and such. She still does not say good morning, but she has allowed her and I to be the only ones in a room for a few minutes, so that's better. She had probably forgiven me as much as she intends to, and so long as at least a ghost of camaraderie reappears I will be happy.
My friendship with Dee is still going pretty strong. She knows about my asking Tess out. To her credit, she managed to guess Tess was the girl I was interested in first pick, so rather than lie or deny I copped to it.
Dee is actually planning on moving out of state with her daughter and boyfriend. I don't know when, but they went down to MASS this past weekend and Dee said they think they found what they had been looking for. It is probably a matter of weeks or even days before I hear about her putting in her resignation. She is happy and I happy for her. I just hope that she is not making a mistake going this fast this soon, but I have long believed that people need to learn on their own.
As if this saga with Tess and Dee were not enough, I have been sowing the seeds of yet another attraction (hey, I WANT to find THE person for me). This is a stock girl at the local Wal-Mart. She is a really pretty blond, about 22 years old, short hair and blue eyes. I first interacted with her about a year ago while looking for a pair of shoes. I knew what I wanted, but being a heterosexual male, I just felt the need for assistance and back then she worked in that department. After that whenever I would go through Wal-Mart and see her I would nicely wave and she would tend to wave back.
All was nice but now she has been transferred to the grocery section stocking after 9pm (which is when I get out of work). I have never seen the virtues in buying for multiple nights of food when I tend not know what I want that night, so I am pretty much going every night (occasionally will skip a day) so I have been seeing this girl, Ericka*, damn near every week day (it does help that she works in a section that I frequented a lot even before she transferred there).
Sometimes I will try to think of reasons to go to the store, just so maybe I can talk with her a little, but more often than not I will avoid her area until necessary. I think she knows that I have a bit of a crush on her, or at least thought I did, as sometimes when I need 'help' finding something, she will play along when I act stupid or stretching for time. A part of me also thought that she may have been reciprocatory because sometimes after an instance like that she will almost aloof around me, like "what's this guy playing at?" sort of thing.
Tonight, I'm not sure if she was working, but that's because I didn't get down to her section, and not lack of trying. I was snaking through the isles, progressively working toward her area, and stopped in the middle of a bottled water region and literally smacked myself on the head. It's like: "shit or get off the pot! Do you want to ask this girl out? Are you going to? If so do it, or walk away!"
The answers in order are: yes and... probably no. I am interested in her, but I guess I've gotten gun-shy. I've only been in love with really two women in my life. A girl I went to high school with (one I still think about) and a teacher in high school (I was over 18!). Before and since then I have had crushes. Some last a day, some a week, the rare ones about a month.
I've been thrown off the saddle by both of the people I've loved, and I'm not sure if I can get back on the horse again. I would probably throw caution into the wind if I honestly thought Ericka would respond positively, but I just don't know.
For now... I cannot foresee myself asking another girl out.
Tess and I have actually spoken since the Valentine's Day entry. About nothing of importance, just the regular formalities of 'hi' and 'how are you' and such. She still does not say good morning, but she has allowed her and I to be the only ones in a room for a few minutes, so that's better. She had probably forgiven me as much as she intends to, and so long as at least a ghost of camaraderie reappears I will be happy.
My friendship with Dee is still going pretty strong. She knows about my asking Tess out. To her credit, she managed to guess Tess was the girl I was interested in first pick, so rather than lie or deny I copped to it.
Dee is actually planning on moving out of state with her daughter and boyfriend. I don't know when, but they went down to MASS this past weekend and Dee said they think they found what they had been looking for. It is probably a matter of weeks or even days before I hear about her putting in her resignation. She is happy and I happy for her. I just hope that she is not making a mistake going this fast this soon, but I have long believed that people need to learn on their own.
As if this saga with Tess and Dee were not enough, I have been sowing the seeds of yet another attraction (hey, I WANT to find THE person for me). This is a stock girl at the local Wal-Mart. She is a really pretty blond, about 22 years old, short hair and blue eyes. I first interacted with her about a year ago while looking for a pair of shoes. I knew what I wanted, but being a heterosexual male, I just felt the need for assistance and back then she worked in that department. After that whenever I would go through Wal-Mart and see her I would nicely wave and she would tend to wave back.
All was nice but now she has been transferred to the grocery section stocking after 9pm (which is when I get out of work). I have never seen the virtues in buying for multiple nights of food when I tend not know what I want that night, so I am pretty much going every night (occasionally will skip a day) so I have been seeing this girl, Ericka*, damn near every week day (it does help that she works in a section that I frequented a lot even before she transferred there).
Sometimes I will try to think of reasons to go to the store, just so maybe I can talk with her a little, but more often than not I will avoid her area until necessary. I think she knows that I have a bit of a crush on her, or at least thought I did, as sometimes when I need 'help' finding something, she will play along when I act stupid or stretching for time. A part of me also thought that she may have been reciprocatory because sometimes after an instance like that she will almost aloof around me, like "what's this guy playing at?" sort of thing.
Tonight, I'm not sure if she was working, but that's because I didn't get down to her section, and not lack of trying. I was snaking through the isles, progressively working toward her area, and stopped in the middle of a bottled water region and literally smacked myself on the head. It's like: "shit or get off the pot! Do you want to ask this girl out? Are you going to? If so do it, or walk away!"
The answers in order are: yes and... probably no. I am interested in her, but I guess I've gotten gun-shy. I've only been in love with really two women in my life. A girl I went to high school with (one I still think about) and a teacher in high school (I was over 18!). Before and since then I have had crushes. Some last a day, some a week, the rare ones about a month.
I've been thrown off the saddle by both of the people I've loved, and I'm not sure if I can get back on the horse again. I would probably throw caution into the wind if I honestly thought Ericka would respond positively, but I just don't know.
For now... I cannot foresee myself asking another girl out.
posted by Matthew Shine at 11:02 PM
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