January 6, 2006 - The post I Knew Was Coming
Today I got clear and concise confirmation from Dee's mouth (as she was talking to friends) that she is indeed dating a guy seriously and in fact has been for a number of weeks, if not months.
It sounds as if this new guy is everything that her old boyfriend was not (a positive thing, mind you) and in many respects better than I. He is kind, caring, makes a lot of money and lives on his own. Dee is head over heels, and while I was not at all happy about this for about an hour or two, I have since come to my senses. Living with my mother and brother is not conducive to any sort of romance and is a fact that tears at me quite a bit. I love them, my brother especially, but I hate not being able to live like a normal adult guy. I hate not being to invite people (ie girls) to where I live, for fear my mom or Jim would be here. Hell, in my last relationship, I had to go over to her house to spend the night.
It does not help that I hate the actual venue called 'home' as well. It is an embarrassing mockery to everything I would strive to become. I work 8.5 hours a day, doing a job I would prefer not do and have to come home to a place that reflects all that I work so hard to leave in my past.
Jim and I have talked extensively about getting another place, void of our mother, and that would help; however, I have never lived on my own. I have never had the freedom to just buy the food I want, never had the freedom to play the music I want (for fear of others disapproval).
I will grant that someday I wish to have a wife and kids. Any person who claims that men do not have a version of the biological clock is deluded and does not know men as well as they would like to think. It is human nature to want to propagate the species (over 6 billion people reflect that), and it is also human nature to not want to be alone. Some find fulfillment is never having the nuclear family, I am not one of them.
Jim has confessed that he and I will not always live together, but I do not think he understands just how much I hunger for that. I do not, at this point, make enough money to be fully self-sufficient (a nice reflection of our fucked (sorry) up economy). But with any luck (and ass breaking work), I can hopefully achieve that in the next year or so.
Aside from that, and going back to this whole Dee matter, the hardest part of that was when I heard her talking to Tess about her upcoming date with her boyfriend. Tess had commented that she was jealous that Dee had found such a nice guy. A significant part of me wanted to stand up and tell her that there are guys out there, in her circle that would probably fit the bill. I didn't not follow through on that, and I suspect I will one day write a similar post about Tess having a boyfriend while cursing myself for not speaking up.
The only thing that I am struggling with now is that even though Dee has a new love in her life, a large part of me wants to confess my feelings, or at least let it be known that I had intended to approach her with romantic inclinations. Would it be a lie of omission if I do not?
I will post more if something... interesting... develops.
It sounds as if this new guy is everything that her old boyfriend was not (a positive thing, mind you) and in many respects better than I. He is kind, caring, makes a lot of money and lives on his own. Dee is head over heels, and while I was not at all happy about this for about an hour or two, I have since come to my senses. Living with my mother and brother is not conducive to any sort of romance and is a fact that tears at me quite a bit. I love them, my brother especially, but I hate not being able to live like a normal adult guy. I hate not being to invite people (ie girls) to where I live, for fear my mom or Jim would be here. Hell, in my last relationship, I had to go over to her house to spend the night.
It does not help that I hate the actual venue called 'home' as well. It is an embarrassing mockery to everything I would strive to become. I work 8.5 hours a day, doing a job I would prefer not do and have to come home to a place that reflects all that I work so hard to leave in my past.
Jim and I have talked extensively about getting another place, void of our mother, and that would help; however, I have never lived on my own. I have never had the freedom to just buy the food I want, never had the freedom to play the music I want (for fear of others disapproval).
I will grant that someday I wish to have a wife and kids. Any person who claims that men do not have a version of the biological clock is deluded and does not know men as well as they would like to think. It is human nature to want to propagate the species (over 6 billion people reflect that), and it is also human nature to not want to be alone. Some find fulfillment is never having the nuclear family, I am not one of them.
Jim has confessed that he and I will not always live together, but I do not think he understands just how much I hunger for that. I do not, at this point, make enough money to be fully self-sufficient (a nice reflection of our fucked (sorry) up economy). But with any luck (and ass breaking work), I can hopefully achieve that in the next year or so.
Aside from that, and going back to this whole Dee matter, the hardest part of that was when I heard her talking to Tess about her upcoming date with her boyfriend. Tess had commented that she was jealous that Dee had found such a nice guy. A significant part of me wanted to stand up and tell her that there are guys out there, in her circle that would probably fit the bill. I didn't not follow through on that, and I suspect I will one day write a similar post about Tess having a boyfriend while cursing myself for not speaking up.
The only thing that I am struggling with now is that even though Dee has a new love in her life, a large part of me wants to confess my feelings, or at least let it be known that I had intended to approach her with romantic inclinations. Would it be a lie of omission if I do not?
I will post more if something... interesting... develops.
posted by Matthew Shine at 1:20 AM
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