August 4, 2006 - Oh So Much to Tell

Hehe,

I did promise no more 3-4 week lapses, right? I cannot use the excuse that nothing has happened to me this time so I guess I will try and wedge everything into this post.

Okay, here's the newest scoop on the General Lee. We got the transmission pan replaced by the same guy that used own the 68 Charger and hauled the 69 to get the transmission replaced this spring. He had it for just under a week, but it no longer leaks a single drop.

On 7/16/06 (the day after picking the car up from the guy who replaced the pan), Jim and I did a car show in a town called Turner (about 30-45 minutes away). We got third in our class (60's Modified) and the guy who owns another General Lee out by Augusta won 2nd place. Mike, the other Lee owner, also entered his 55 Bel Aire drag car which won the class.

There were... issues... with the voting at that show, and they stopped handing out trophies after 5 or 6 classes. The event organizers, the Kora Shriners, held a banquet 7/27/06 and now Mike's Bel Aire was given 2nd place and now neither General Lee are listed as winners. The people who 'won' we can only imagine bitched (I saw one of them doing it when we were declared winners) and told the Shriners if the voting didn't go in their favor they would not go back. What sucks is that the cars that are now called the 'winners' were all in modified classes with cars that were NOT at all modified. Next year, Kora Shriners can go fuck themselves.

Tess has put in her two week notice. Her last day is August 17 and she goes to this college in September. I wish her the best. A few weeks ago I heard her talking with a friend saying that she and her boyfriend (the coastguard guy?) are still together and will remain so until she leaves. I guess she offered him an out and he refused. At least she has someone. She still needs to grow up a bit more.

The place I work for has decided that they want to stream-line business into segregated areas and the non-threshold position I currently hold is moving down to Mass. Oh, they are not firing me, at least, not directly. What they will instead do is phase me back into a threshold job, where I have a history of failing. I will try, but I cannot help but also look for another job in the meantime.

My brother Jim has re-connected with an old friend of his in a big way. This guy, Travis, is a Dukes of Hazzard guru and he and Jim started talking on the phone a LOT over the past few weeks. Travis is the guy that arranged a trip that Jim and I went to in Los Angeles back in March 2004 to see Dukes filming locations and meet the people who worked on/built the original General Lee's. It was great fun and that is directly responsible for the current Lee clone we have now.

Travis and Jim have been working on a project to identify General Lee's in the Dukes original filming location of Georgia and that kind of culminates this coming week when Jim is going to fly out to Indiana and drive out to Georgia with Travis a couple of other people for a few days. I will finally have the house to myself for a few days, and I cannot wait.

That blond from Wal-Mart is gone. No idea where, but she must have quit as I have gone in there at different intervals during the days and she has never been around. I know that she was trained to use some medical equipment (she never said what), and she may have gone back to doing that. I cannot imagine that Wal-Mart would have fired her, hopefully she left do something better. She seemed quite intelligent when we spoke, and, although I would have loved seeing her still, I am glad she left that place. Too many people in this area have been dragged down and do go-nowhere jobs. She deserved more.

NOW, for the REAL news. That girl Jennifer at work (first mentioned her in April when Dee left) broke up with her boyfriend. There had been rumors for a few weeks, but Wensday (7/26) she confirmed it too me in a conversation. Now, I have very intense rules about what you can and cannot do with a person when they are in a relationship with someone else, HOWEVER, she is no longer in that relationship, so those old protocols are null and void.

About an hour after that conversation, we went out on break and had another talk. I confessed that I harbored a desire to ask her out, but could not due to the fact she was in a relationship. She seemed surprised, but told me that while we CAN go out as friends, she is not looking for a boyfriend.

I have heard that line before, and while I was willing to let us become friends I vowed not to ask her out again. We made arrangements to meet up this past weekend, but that fell through when she never showed up, never called, and didn't answer when I tried calling her. Needless to say, I was unimpressed Monday when she came up to me and apologized for not showing up, but never made any more plans.

Will advised that I not do a damn thing and let Jennifer come up to me. I didn't like that idea, but agreed. She never did and I must admit that I basically washed my hands of the whole matter when another co-worked named Sue asked me what was going on between Jenn and I. Sue is a nice woman in her 50's, raunchy sense of humor, and a perverse sense that I need to get laid and quick. I told Sue about what was going on and Sue, behind my back, approached Jenn and reported back to me what Jenn had told her (gave me Jenn's actual letter).

Jenn, from what I have learned, has severed issues with anxiety and while she wanted to spend time with me, but was far to stressed out to do so. She mentioned in the letter that she still isn't looking for a boyfriend, but that she wants to be friends with me, but really wanted me to make the move. Sue, for all intents and purposes, smacked me on the back and said 'write her, NOW'. I did and we spent about 45 minutes talking in Jenn's car Wensday (8/2).

I blithered like an idiot, but basically I told her that while I want more than to be a friend, if friendship was all she could offer, I would never push for anything more. I also said that if she ever found someone else that she COULD be more than friends with, I would not be-grudge her that. I told her that as far as I was concerned, her needs came first.

While I meant every word I spoke to her, I still plan on waging a silent campaign to win more than what we now have. I guess her last relationship was very dis-functional and it was also the first time she ever had that sort of bond with a person and now needs time to become independent and 'find' herself. That is laudable.

As with Tess and the others mentioned in this blog... it still feels halfhearted. I still feel like Jenn is a placeholder and that the real person for me is out there. Maybe she's in a different state, or a different country, maybe even down the street with a person I haven't met yet (or have but have yet to reconnect with).

For now Jenn and I will try to be friends. If more develops, great. If not? Well... my soul mate is out there somewhere. I've gotten the feeling like I'm getting closer to her. I used to have these reoccurring dreams (still do now and then) where I find my soul mate and it's somebody I've gone to school with, but didn't date back then. I remember vividly walking through the halls back then and feeling like... like my other half was around there somewhere. Tess and I were classmates for a year, but I always sort of knew that it wasn't her.

Someday... I will find her.

I'll try to update again sooner rather than later.

June 14, 2006

Hello again all of you ghost readers.

Sorry it has been so long since the last message, but I am getting better. No more 3-4 week lapses hopefully.

The General has to have it's transmission plate replaced. The one on there now is warped and the warp is allowing transmission fluid to leak onto the ground. In the last four weeks, it has been sitting for 2 due to rain and only had light driving before that and it was still a quart and half down. That and the carburetor need to be replaced this weekend. The carb has a problem with the float that allows the gas/air mixture into the engine for combustion. There is no problem for the first half hour or so of driving, the problem occurs when the carb heats up. When the carb heats, the metal expands and contracts and the float has a tendency to not open when the gas is hit from a dead stop. So, say for instance you have been driving for an hour and you come to a light. You stop and float closes like normal. Light changes to green and you hit the gas, but the float doesn't open. Your car is now starving for gas and stalls right in the middle of traffic. On really bad days, the problem can happen simply slowing down and the car will almost stall out. It is symptomatic with old carb's, they need to be rebuilt every so often.

In other news, my mother is still gone and has told me that this will most likely be permanent, so I politely told her that effective that email message she was no longer living here and there was no longer a place for her even if she wanted to come back. I'm not an asshole, but this is the second time she ran off to some other state and the third time she left to live somewhere else, chasing whatever it is she feels she needs. I told her before she left that if Jim and I ever got an inkling that she intended to stay in Maryland that we could no longer keep taking her back. She understood, but made the decision anyhow.

That blond from Wal-Mart still hasn't been around. Not surprising. I think I may have seen the last of her. Shame as it probably could have been fun, but at this moment in life I need more than 'fun'. She had a boyfriend, but it was still... entertaining... to think about.

Tess' sister Lynn has split from her live-in boyfriend. This in and of itself is no great shock. They seemed perfectly contented, but life has a way of not liking just contentment. I don't know who broke it off, but I do know that it was Lynn who broke down into tears at her desk about 2 weeks ago and had to be consoled by Tess. Lynn's ex was a nice guy when I met him. Quiet, but nice enough, but if he hurt her...

We need not fret for Lynn though. Will, the previously mentioned co-worker/friend, of mine saw Lynn and another co-worker that she pals around with making out in the male co-workers car. Nothing wrong with a good rebound relationship, however this guy already has/had a girlfriend, Jess. This guy, Jack*, used to play poker with Jim and I and a few others and Jess would come along. When Jim, Will and I went to a great steakhouse a few weeks back, Jess was our waitress. Very, very, stunningly pretty. Black hair with a blond strip going through the middle and very thin. There is a sadistic part of me that feels like going up to Jack and asking him how Jess is, just to see the initial reaction.

For those of you who are fans of Tess, here is your few paragraphs this time. Her and that coast guard guy are becoming quite interesting to observe. For as much time as they have spending together, Tess earlier this week stated quite clearly that she had no boyfriend. If that is her idea of friendship, I missed the boat. She doesn't talk with me still, but doesn't ignore me either. I still fear scaring her away again. How much changes in 6 months? To go from a fairly deep crush to an impartial observer.

Last Thursday for instance, Tess must have stayed awake all the night before because she kept falling asleep at her station. It must have been bad because she actually was having co-workers pulling sentry duty and waking her up when the supervisors would come into her area. Well, after 5pm, only me and one other person were around and the other person had to use the bathroom. So, there lay Tess, mouth open sleeping peacefully... and her supervisor came towards us. I probably could have woken her up and not have freaked her out, but I was terrified she wouldn't give me a chance to explain. So, I say nothing and pray to God her friend gets back. The sup sees Tess and walks into the call center managers office. The friend gets back and I immediately mouth to her to wake Tess up, QUICK! She did, but it was too late. The manager came out and lightly but firmly harangued Tess for about 5 minutes. To try to assuage my guilt I gave her a couple of No-Doz pills I keep at my desk. She was wide awake about a half hour after that.

I located Dee on MySpace.com by the way. I requested a friendship status, but she has yet to grant it. Will is friends with her, but said he has never received any sort of message. He theorizes that Dee has finally figured out that leaving such a plush job was, how shall we say... counter-productive? He thinks that Dee doesn't want us to know how much she kicks herself for leaving now. I certainly hope not, but I cannot be surprised. I told her weeks before she put in the resignation that she could very easily regret it, but she didn't listen to me. Even when her relationship with that guy started falling apart, she didn't want to listen.

Will told me that a week after she put in her two-week notice, she tried to rescind it, but the manager refused. I can only imagine that was when she decided not to move to Boston with that guy. There was probably a moment of clarity and she realized that she was about to give up a job that people double her age would kill for. I know the manager, he is a nice guy but very professional. He probably told her that she could withdraw the notice, but be back to regular TSR and maybe stay a trainer, rather than both a trainer and a Team Leader. Dee was not being used properly and I am sure that even if she had stayed, they would have probably busted her back down the phones.

I would like to try to be her friend, and I would have hoped that she need not feel embarrassed to tell me if she did now regret leaving, but I can only wait and see.

There is more, but I really have to go. Bye for now and hopefully I can update again in the near future.

May 31, 2006 - Hey

Sorry about the long delay. I haven't had a great deal to write about honestly, and it seems my posts aren't being read so I took a kind of "fuck it" attitude.

Dee is still gone. She did come back to pick up her check but never returned after that. Tess has been approved to go to some nature college that mandates she go away for months at a time, but she is in a deep relationship now with that Coast Guard guy, so no harm no foul for me.

I'm still single and not many prospects of that changing. That pretty blond who worked over at Wal-Mart I think no longer does. I haven't seen her for a few weeks now. She may have been switched to another shift, but I would imagine she found something else.

I have been saving up my money to go to a series of Roger Waters concerts this coming September. I'm planning on five shows (2 in Boston, 2 in Manhattan and 1 in Long Island) and have 2 of the shows bought and paid for with another coming through in the next day or so.

The General is still running strong and I have started working more and more on the 68 Charger and 70 Coronet.

My mom is gone. Not died, but she moved to Maryland this past weekend (5/28) to live until October with a friend. I guess this friend wants to make it permanent, but my mom is advocating taking it slower than that. For once she and I agree.

I do love my mom, but I do not like living with her. Ignoring the fact that I believe it to be a bit unhealthy for a 26 year old man to be living in the same house as their mother (unless one is disabled someway), she is difficult to be around for any length of time. She knows that if we are given any indication this Maryland visit is permanent and this door is closed to her.

This is it for now.


Thanks

April 29, 2006 - Sorry It's Been So Long

Okay, a bit had happened since the last post. I bought a new hard drive for my computer. No problems installing it, but big problems finding all of the old links to the websites I frequent. Idiot me never saved my list of favorites. But, I did manage to find them all again, so no worries.

Dee has left. Ironically, Dee has stated before her last day that she had no intentions whatsoever of moving to Boston with her boyfriend because she just didn't trust the relationship. I asked why then would she leave the job and she just said she didn't like the job and didn't trust the higher-ups and wanted out.

In the vacuum caused by her leaving, the position that she filled already gone up on the block. I went up for it and got past the first round of interviews, but in the end someone else got it. The woman who landed the job was always considered a shoe-in, but I felt I had to try. She starts Monday (5/1/06).

Tess and that Coast Guard guy ARE still together. A few days after I posted that entry I had heard her talking about going with him down to Boston to attend a trial where this guy's captain is being accused of grounding his ship a few weeks or months ago and causing Mass Coast Guard to rescue them. Something tells me theirs is an open relationship as my memory remains unchanged about her talking about dating some new guy.

That blond at Wal-Mart I avoided for about a week. Last Sunday (4/23), I had to pick something up and we actually talked for about 10 minutes. Not about anything big, but she initiated the conversation. She is still off limits, but it would be nice to get to know her better in any capacity. Had that incident not happened, I MIGHT have viewed that as being a positive sign.

Of course, as all readers of this (if there are any) know my life enjoys having many and varied soap-operatic themes, and now that things were settling down, that trend has once more regenerated itself. A new girl started working at my job about two weeks ago. Her name is Jennifer*. She's very pretty and used to work for a local grocery store (not Wal-Mart). I used to kind of flirt with her, but about a year or two ago she disappeared... until now.

She has a boyfriend, but I know that she remembers me as I do her. She doesn't avoid me or anything, if anything it's the opposite. Thankfully, I know she has a guy so I know where the lines are drawn. Still, a new friend can't hurt.

April 10, 2007 - Sooner Than Expected

Unfortunately this is not a positive post. Nobody's hurt, the General has not been wrecked, and I still am employed.

Earlier tonight my brother and I were walking around Wal-Mart doing some shopping. I saw that blond girl who works there on her day off. I think she was with her boyfriend. He wasn't very good looking, but I had to go behind them in line. She saw me and I did try to smile, but it just came out a wince and I just looked away.

Obviously that vibe I had gotten from her was misread. I had actually found her on that myspace.com. It was a few years old, but the picture was definitely her. She had listed her status as single, but... I saw them leave in a single car, so if they are boyfriend/girlfriend, they must cohabitate or at least spend a lot of time in one domicile. They do not look alike, so I would not think brother/sister. The fucking odd part is that there were times in the last few months that it seemed she would actually seek me out, but... I cannot believe that they just got together. That means I misread her, and that also means I have been making a fucking fool out of myself for no damned reason. Well, it could have been MUCH worse.

I really don't know why it is affecting me so much, but I suppose that I had hoped when I lost a bit more weight, I could try something, but not now. I do not try to fool myself. I know that being unattractive does not help, but I hoped if I could just fix some of my issues, things could be different. I will not try to blame society for my faults and claim we live in a very appearance driven world, as I do the very same thing. I do not seek out over weight, non pretty women. Why should I expect any less from them?

I hate being single, I hate being lonely... but I think... that is my fate. There are some people who never get what they really want in life, I may just be one of them.

I suppose something else that is bothering me is that, in my severely romantic mind, I had imagined going out and doing simple things like grocery shopping with my girlfriend. I imagined arguing over what kind of toilet paper to buy, and what kind of pasta sauce to get. The ability to perhaps claim her lips in the frozen food section. Simple run of the mill common shit so many others take for granted. To see someone else doing that... jealousy burns at me.

April 7, 2006 - Dee Has Put In Her Resignation

Did it about two or three days ago actually. Her last day on the job is 04/18/06. It kind of sucks because I don't think she will find real happiness in this relationship, but obviously she is committed to trying, and I find myself only wishing her the best.

Meanwhile, her departing has left open at work a Team Leader position, and having gone about a year since the last internal job posting, tension for advancement has grown to the point of a fever pitch. At least 5 people, aside from this writer, are going up for it. That of course means that while all of the current hopefuls will try their damndess to get the job, only one will. I do not envy the decision makers here, as a lot of those going up for this are very well qualified. The leg up I have is that while all of the others have quota's to meet and are assets to the company, I am not. I have no quota's or thresholds and have been there since the day the doors opened. I had gone into the planning stages for a supervisory run last June and the vast majority of my co-workers supported me. Another guy from outside the company got it, but this job isn't being posted out of the building.

Anyhow, I think Tess and her National Guardsman boyfriend have already hit the skids. I say this because I over heard her telling a group of women around me that she just recently had a first date with another guy and made mention of 'going slower' this time around. I knew that the Guardsman guy was going to have to go away now and again, and I theorize that perhaps it was just too new to survive that. Of course, they may just have an open relationship and both might date other people.

This past Sunday (4/2) Jim and I almost had an accident in the General. We had taken her out on a very long drive (about 75 miles). At one point we got into a town and the speed limit was dropped to 40. I was cruising along and all of a sudden a green light about 30 feet away turned red. I had no intention of running a red light so I hit the brakes. Big mistake!

Old cars like the Charger are not like anti-lock brakes. Rather than pump the brakes so you do not lose traction, the Charger's drum brake set up locked up. First we started drifting towards the drivers side, I fought the wheel a little too well and than we corrected and went towards the passenger side, all the while going forward from the momentum. We stopped about 5 feet shy of the light, in our own lane, but in the end we had done a full 90 degree turn. Nobody was hurt, we hit nobody and the car was undamaged.

Jim was, understandably, pissed off and I quickly got into a parking lot. I checked the road for tire marks, but there were none. We checked to make sure everything was alright and to calm down and as I was getting ready to pull out a police cruiser pulled into the parking lot and slowed down to see what I was doing. I pulled out to the road and the officer went in right behind me. He motioned to me from his car and the lights went on.

Apparently he did not see what happened but someone had called it in, thinking that I was doing stunts like that on purpose. He checked out my license, registration and insurance and warned me that having a 'General Lee' stuck out like a sore thumb. In the end he could not give a ticket. He wanted to, I know it. He claimed it was because he was from a different county that the one he pulled me over in. That may have been part of it, but I also think that he couldn't because he didn't actually see what happened and I am most positive that if he could have gotten me on anything a local cop would have soon arrived.

So, void a few days off my life, I lost nothing. I may be watched now, but ever since I had that car I have been watched, so that does not scare me. The way Jim and I look at this is that it was a valuable learning experience. I know now what NOT to do with that car, and I also recognize that unlike the Buick I have to reevaluate just how much space I need to stop that thing. Better to learn like that than, say, on the interstate at 60 mph.

Well, bye for now.

March 28th, 2006 - Yet Another Round of Kittens!

Yes, yes. Momma cast had her second litter yesterday in my brother bedroom closet. She's been ready to pop for a few days, and to be honest I had expected to have happened sooner, but nope. She's been attacking her other kittens as they tried to get close to the new batch. The news ones are cute. A few dark tigers and two that look black.

Dee's relationship with that guy looks like it may have hit a wall. Guess he found out that Dee and her ex still share a bill of some sorts and he got all pissy and told Dee that he really didn't love her, just really liked her. Dee was depressed about that all day yesterday. She would tell me about how he would constantly tell her that he loved her, but now the opposite. This is for me unsurprising. Ever since Dee and I have become friends, the more she talked about her new boyfriend I knew that trust issues would be the downfall. I did not see it happening this fast, though.

Tess and I have a 'comfortable separation' at this point. I don't have to listen to her talking about her guy and I just don't talk. It seems to be working. She is more pleasant around me now and doesn't mind being in close proximity to me anymore.

Got the General Lee back on the road! This past Sunday (3/26), we had it hauled by the guy who used to own the '68 Charger over to a garage. The guy that helped out with the paint job and a friend of his did it in about 24 hours and we picked her up after I got out of work at 9pm. It was not a transmission rebuild, it was an actual replacement. The tranny put in was given to Jim and I by the person who sold us the '68 (not the one who hauled it). Shifts fine, no discernible leaks.

Ah well. I have to go now. It's ten of eight in the morning and I have not slept. I will try to post again shortly.